#as in im always feeling physically or mentally bad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ourstochoose9 · 3 months ago

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...is that *not* what they were written to mean?

I know that the lyrics "my two legs are broken but look at me dance" from inertia by AJR probably mean something completely different

But as a disabled person I see them this way

My two legs are broken, they're both broken, but I have to dance, look at me do it, even though I'm in pain I have to dance

To me, the line describes perfectly the anger/sorrow having invisible/undiagnosed physical disabilities in a society that's unsupportive and inconsiderate brings

Even though I am in horrible pain when I'm doing anything that's not sitting down, I still walk to and from school every day, I still have to go out

I still have to dance

#ive listened to inertia WAAAY too many times in the last few weeks #and the only way i ever interpreted that line was “yeah my legs are broken but i have no choice but to dance”#as in im always feeling physically or mentally bad #but i have to keep pretending everything's fine #because what other choice do i have #ajr makes me feel so seen and i love them for it #ajr

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lemongogo · 3 months ago

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#not to complain ab the same stuff i always complain ab #but my artblock is soooo bad . its so bad and frustrating and limiting and demotivating #because instead of being able to draw whatever whenever i feel like im chained to random bursts of inspiration #that i cant manifest just by willing it so yk. and imlike why…#so many ppl who draw whether for their job or for their hobby seem to be able to do it whenever #and its like yeah i could put pen to paper rn but theres such a mental disconnect that its not enjoyable anymore #dude its so whateverr😭😭 like its so made up and ik its just a psychological thing but it feels so physically .Hard #rrrgwgqq #like i try to maintain the habit by drawing stuff out even w no end in mind #but that also stresses me out bc its likeIDKK idk #silly tbh #seeing all of this art arnd me all the time > online and stuff is so nice and inpsiring #and it makes me want to do that too but i legitcannot . like i am being squished by a boulder and my hands are chained to 30lb weights #whatfreakign ever dude .like whateverrr #i want to grind my brain 2 a pulp . honestly🙌#like what do u mean u cant u literally just do it.but im the one exception to that

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ganondoodle · 2 months ago

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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #ganondoodles rants #sorta #suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw #theres some construction stuff on our house going on #and my father is extremely stressed about it #he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed #my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi #to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself #which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee #and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her #to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life #BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her #without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears #and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains #but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being #always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold #but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings

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perenlop · 3 months ago

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havent seen this take in a while thankfully but it popped up in my head and i wanna post this anyways. i think everyone who talks about how siffrin “got off too easy” at the end of isat and his friends should have abandoned him should go read warrior cats if they want an example of a character using their trauma as their god-given jailbreak card to treat their family and peers (a good amount of whom who were completely innocent) like dogshit, and who faces zero consequences from the narrative for it (and in fact bends over to blame their peers). like read all the shit jayfeather does while the narrative sobs over how tragic but awesome and quirky he is and then look me in the eye and tell me siffrin’s ending was poorly written.

#or look at titania from reborn. what who said that #at least siffrin’s trauma is actually developed and taken deadly seriously by the narrative and clearly isnt being used to excuse his behav #behavior #siffrin does some shitty things in the story but theyre very obviously in a horrible state mentally and physically thats been breaking them #down little by little by little until theyve exploded and broken down. and his family still holds him accountable for what he did #but they stay with him anyways because they love and respect and care about him and are horrified to learn his situation #meanwhile ivypool goes through trauma yeah but shes not really written like a realistic trauma victim #and when she hurts her sister over and over and over and over and over again its always her sister who has to make it up at the end #and we all gotta sob and coo over ivy because shes the fan favoriteand if you criticize her then you hate trauma victims #(ignoring dovewing’s trauma from the situation as well i might add)#while ivy never gets to grow or acknowledge how her attitude is hurtful to herself and others #its just ‘’well dovewing had it better so she better shut the fuck up and deal with the constant emotional abuse ivy throws at her’’#imagine if isat ended with siffrin going ‘’actually im not sorry bc you all havent suffered as much as me’’#and the party didnt object to that at all and they were like ‘’yes we do have it better so youre justified in hurting us #and also you are the most tragic character ever so you cant face emotional consequences ever’’#(and before anyone goes ‘’well dovewing left the clan and ivypool feels bad about that’’ the story doesnt position it as a consequence of #her behavior to her sister. canonically shes leaving to be with her baby daddy and SHES framed as the one hurting her sister #and shes the one whos gotta mend that rift. while the narrative doesnt acknowledge that that situation was partly her sisters fault at all #)#ok sorry for wc on main jumpscare. i wouldve posted over on the blog but i dont think people over there have played isat #echoed voice #isat spoilers

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isa-ah · 4 months ago

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making a fursona is fun but getting to retire an old traumatized time capsule of yourself and make a new, happy, grown version of yourself is so fuckin nice.

#chocolate milk had very short hair and a very bad attitiude. very sad and angry guy #lovely belle is cheerful and bright with a cane and long hair like me =')!#growing my hair out and finding out its actually really wavey and curly was magical #and its so integral to my health getting soooooo so so so much better mentally and physically #bc for most of my life my hair was grey and kept very short and got insanely frizzy if it grew out #right up until our wedding i was buzzing my head consistently but after i realized what the root of my health issues was #my entire life changed!#my body type changed my my face shape changed my hair color changed i wasn't in 8-9 level pain every day anymore #lifes GOOD now i feel insanely healthy. id always assumed i was going yo die young and never know why #but instead im going into my 30s flourishing in a way ive never experienced in my life #AUGH making a new fursona was so needed and im so happy w the design #sorry to gush it's important to look around and recognize how far youve come! sometimes! so!

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casperth3ghost · 1 month ago

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guys how do you explain to your friends who have suffered for months hearing u yap about one specific character that youre losing intrest in said character

#I ALWAYS FEEL SO BAD WHEN I START LOSING HYPERFIXATIONS😭🙏#hehe guys im havinh a conundrum #my brain worms have decided werehog and stupid vampire man from old book are silly #i never thought at any era in mh life id be into twilight #god please helo me #edward cullen WHEN I GET YOU #you too sonic youre not out of this either #mf werehog bro #PLEASE HELO ME MY POOR PINTREST MOOTS WHO FOLLOWED ME FOR TTS😭🙏#sorry fam my brain had other plans!!!#ngl this is probably one of those hyperfixations i get for like 2 months because of the dopamine kick i get #and then i go back to beinh chronic over my previous fixation😭🙏#so if u guys start seeing me beinh less active/postinh about other things not related to tts just know thats why #also hunger games #i think my brain is making me read #like i have bad data at my house so i cant use ao3 so i moved over to physical books #and ive never read twilight before bcuz i thought it wasnt for me #thats always how i am oh my god #but like my teacher told me to read it #and my mom has all the hunger games books and i havent read anythinh from that series either(but i have watched the movies)#so like #im having a book lover mentally ill teen girl moment #hey atleast bbg pintrest has my back❤️#pintrest is my og #yall dont fw pintrest like i do

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residencyisstrange · 11 days ago

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mouthwashing is one of those important pieces of media to me because it opens my eyes to different topics and perspectives

#this is me saying this opened my eyes to how abusers think and that seeing it laod out so clearly helps me understand how to spot it in #people in my life (such as my dad) and how to avoid falling into situations like that if its possible #idk if that makes sense #but its so importatn to me when we see this representation in media esp when its popularized and younger people see it and can grasp the #concepts early on and understand abuse and how its not always something obvious and can easily be misunderstood as something hidden #< and i mean that in rhe sense of like many didnt know jimmy was a monster til nearing the end of the game and thought he was just trying to #do his best uo until its physically harmful. which is really common with abuse actually and many dont notice it both on an outsider and #victim level. you often dont realize youre being hurt or abused emotionally or mentally until its physical #and by that point you can often feel helpless and like you cant do much for yourself or who to talk to about it. even trying to convince #yourself its not that bad and turning down help because you dont know what to do without that abuse in ur life #maybe im just projecting though idk just something to chew on #mouthwashing #this was honestly going to be about how this game helped me realize jimmy and my dad have the exact same mindset and personality but this is #probably better than a vent post like that lol

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phagodyke · 26 days ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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moruboru · 26 days ago

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having the time of my life rn

#im just gonna dump this here bc i srsly cant go with this anywhere else cause my veins are about to pop #going on bsky really making me realize that my art simply got carried by the algorithm and not bc ppl actually like it i feel lol #i crawl back to twt bc im so addicted to the notification pop up there at least there i can feel like i actually matter #everyone has been getting serotonin from bsky but for me it was the exact opposite most friends also dont care for bsky so im just alone #maybe its also just the realization that perhaps there is nothing left for me on this earth #i put so much of my selfworth into the stupid numbers online and now im paying the price for it #my mental health is so bad rn i cant go a single day without feeling like i wanna end it today or i wont live past my 30s nor that i even #WANT TO live past my 30s my passions are gone dont have goals in life anymore like whats even the point maybe this really is the final #nail in the coffin for me lol i dont even think anyone cares for me beyond a personal surface level not even my family im so done with lif #im so eaten up by jealousy in every aspect of my life and i have had to bottle it up for so long bc nobody actually gives a shit even if i #openly talked about it to whoever how its making me miserable but its always the “just think about the good in life :)” there is none #i honestly wished for several years i shouldve been dead or at least not exist physically anymore and it was only the clout online that kep #me alive for better or worse but now im starting to believe this was all jsut lies too lol ngl i just wanna crawl into a hole and never ge #back out of it anymore i dont think anyone would even miss me anyways lol

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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months ago

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crazy how i have no one

#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc #but i have no fucking one irl #and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us #i only have my brother #and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me #so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt #im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that #i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever #i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive #and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe #i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn #and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances #realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time #idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me #i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant #figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump #all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw #but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it #any of it #my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that #but i need help and i dont have it. not really #whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance #i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have #i can do it. i can do it

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago

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Why can I only ever feel dread and never excitement, I'm just incapable of being excited until I'm physically doing whatever it is

#like months before going to austria #i had to apply and everything #and just would have horrible horrible panic attacks and was losing it #and it was just so so so much dread and absolutely no excitement #i had to just resign myself #and then whoops i get there and its a whole month of fun!!! like was really barely every upset #and then: Austrian GP #same situation like dying about it. literally physically sick the morning of #i get there....oh okay fun fun fun!!#anyways this is about how atm i have the possibility of going to COTA #and like i know i should and i kmow i shouldn't miss out on something like this #but god the dread and existential crisis is so bad #like i cant even pinpoint *why* and its always been this way #i just need to someone to assure me and tell me i should push onwards 😭#my brain: what if its disappointing. what if it doesnt live up to whatever preconceived notion you have #me: my brother in f1. this is literally my brainrot that i obsess over daily! why wouldnt it be fun?????#its just some mental hurdle i really struggle to get over and like i just can never feel excitement #like theoretically im like ofc yes this would be fun! but in reality can only dread it #but i really thinm i need to push thru it even tho i feel horribke abt it #bcs its the same exact thing every single time #and just all these stupid inconsequential things always come up in my head #like the fear of missing out on content on here. can literally bring your phone 😭😭😭#anyways panic attack yayyyyyyyy #i just really should go right? AGHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭#trying to think positive is genuinely impossible. theres some other part of me that reminds me of all the potential bad things #and also this like weird guilt of 'people will think im greedy and spoiled and etc etc etc for getting to go to two'#its not like i really believe any of this but its also like so unavoidable #catie.rambling.txt

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ozlices · 8 months ago

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i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person

#mine #i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor #before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane #what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh #but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠#i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life #just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING #'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore.#truly i fucking do not #my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it #we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN #& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY #before it got this bad.#there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato #if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC #I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT//#//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU #ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree #can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc #im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING #i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please #im gonna LOSE MY MIND

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rabbithaver · 11 months ago

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there is Discourse about whether it's morally okay to kill abusers on my dash. it's affecting me more than i would like

#and it is not great for my mental health because like... i never physically hurt anyone. not like i was hurt #but instead of dealing with what i went through like an adult. i turned around & said some incredibly abusive & fucked up things to >#strangers who absolutely did not deserve that. and i called it activism because that was a reasonable excuse #i almost certainly would have qualified as 'an abuser.' and you know what they say! 'once an abuser always an abuser'#sure people change but abusers are not people! we know this :) we know this so much. abusers are less than human! they're inherently evil!#i have complicated feelings about all of this. i really do. i used to wish death on my abusers but im too tired for that now #and frankly considering what i went on to do? i fucking deserved it in the first place. they saw that i was a bad person and they knew #rabbit.txt

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gibbearish · 1 year ago

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u ever have to back out of a drama explained video bc ur like. i agree that that person was in the wrong but the way youre presenting them is just unsettling

#like theres a difference between 'hey heres a breakdown of who waid what and what happened' and #'look at this zoo animal and what a freak they are for this freak thing they did‚ everyone point and laugh at them wherever they go forever #specifically if you put quirky music and a dramatic voiceover over a clip of someone having a screaming #breakdown in their car telling people to leave them alone i think thats uhhhhhh fucked up no matter what they did #and ppl will always be like 'well they could just log off so its fine' and its like a) didnt we learn in like elementary school that #cyberbullying is still real bullying #like to me that gives the same vibe as 'why didnt they just leave' irt abusive relationship if that makes sense?#like yeah physically they are capable of just logging off. physically they can choose to leave. but theres a lot more #that goes into it than just 'can i physically leave'#like. ppl who do abuse over the internet know how the internet works and know how to use #means other than ohysical strength to keep targets under their control #'if you dont respond to my messages whenever i send them ill kill myself. no i didnt directly say that but #i repeatedly messaged you at times i knew you had just gone to sleep faking suicide attempts making you feel #like its your fault for not being available to respond 24/7'#its 'youre the only person i can talk to about these things no one understands me like you. you are my whole support system and therefore #wholly responsible for my mental health #if you leave me ill have no one so you will be dooming me to fall apart on my own when i need support the most so you can never leave me'#its 'how can you break up with me right now knowing im feeling suicidal‚ its like you want me to kill myself‚ you did this deliberately bc #youre a bad person. my life depends on you staying with me and i will never not be suicidal #and even if i was you saying that would make me feel that way so you can never break up with me or youre responsible for me kmsing #im not saying thats at all the same as ppl taking drama too far and freaking out abiut stuff however i feel like a good portion of it #carries over specifically the fact that. they probably feel like they /have/ to stay logged in‚ to keep their drama public #they have to keep defending themselves and keep reading responses and keep going and going #plus like. of course its the big freakouts that get lots of attention and therefore get even worse #good or bad people like spectacle‚ you never see people calmly resovling disagreements because they.#get calmly resolved then everyone moves on and forgets it. so you only remember the wild ones #like esp for like. kids on tiktok #we all had meltdowns about petty shit at one point or another we just were lucky enough to grow up just before #social medias jumped over to video content so it doesnt have our faces tied to it #idk. i just think ppl should ask themselves 'how would i feel if an audience of thousands was watching my lowest moment like this'

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carneflower13 · 2 years ago

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i honestly think my job is what’s keeping my depression symptoms around

#jess speaks #vent #im on antidepressants but i think as long as i have this job im not gonna end up feeling that much better #the sheer amount of dread i feel upon waking up on days when i have to work is insane and. definitely not normal i think #and i feel like im always so tired that my days off dont even give me time to recover #and im so tired that i never have the energy to enjoy anything or create anything new #idk idk #i just want to quit. i want to quit so bad but i dont have a backup plan so if i quit my parents will be upset #and maybe if they just gave me shorter shifts it wouldnt be so bad but like #its usually 7 hour shifts 3 or 4 days a week and those are killers #retail is so physically and mentally draining #especially on neurodivergent ppl and ppl with anxiety like me #bc youre constantly forced to interact with mostly neurotypical people who could get pissed at you for anything at any second #nightmare!!!#i know people definitely have it worse with their jobs but this is killing me

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aidenwaites · 2 years ago

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Finally gives in uhhh 3 hours before i would've left anyway and asks if it's okay if I don't come in at all

#its supposed to storm in a little while and that finally pushed me to just Not Go tonight 🤷‍♂️#i feel so bad about like.. slacking or complaining about this job bc its a job ive got literally bc its a family business yknow??#it's just.. hdhdhshsjsjd GOD its so weird. i feel physically/mentally bad when im there both because of the atmosphere and just. its always #been my last resort yknow?? being there feels like i fucked up somewhere along the line #i need to commit to looking for something else but i need like. a Moment To Breathe first #i might take an extra day off next week too and go from there 😮‍💨

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